Can’t wait for my birthday on November 1st because I’ll be spending it alone and I’m happy about that because I don’t need friends. Oh, I have got people who call themselves my “friends” and this weekend they will take me out but they just use me and leech off me and my energy so whatever. I’ll do it. I see it as a ritual to be performed like some people go to church on xmas (lol, seriously, wtf). It’s one of the social shit things we have to do to “fit” otherwise we end up the crazy dude in the shack in the woods. It’s probably better living isolated, but then you got shit like no electricity so no tv and no DVDs, Blurays, that crap. I’d be happy to just read, so that’s cool. But no hot water would be shit. I hate cold showers. The point is, I don’t care about my stupid birthday party that’s not even going to be on my birthday because it’s in the week so we’ll do the thing on Saturday. That’s fine because I like the idea that on my birthday I have ME-time. That’s the best: Listen to music, smoke some stuff, eat some snacks, drink a 2L cola and just lie there for like hours listening and taking in every note, every beat, just the whole fucking thing. Yeah, my actual birthday is going to kick ass, my birthday party is just going to be a shitfest of false plastic people. But you know what, that’s cool.
So I said I would not be posting any more stuff because I wanted this blog to be empty like how I feel. Only I’ve changed my mind. Why? You wouldn’t understand. Nobody does, nobody needs to. I am who I am. I express myself the way I do. If you think I’m flaky, that’s because you’re too shallow to understand. Have you ever bled? Nope, probably not like I have. Maybe what you’ve felt as bleeding was like a paper cut compared to what I feel is a gaping stab wound in my chest. So back to the point. Today I started a Twitter account (@emothevampire if anyone wants to follow) because I was going to just follow my beloved. Then I lost the nerve. I know, I suck (hahaha, literally as well). Anyway… So after that I wrote my beloved a poem. I didn’t know what to do with it. So I will post it here. Doing this will give me the courage to engage my beloved. Here it is:
I’ve never seen you face to face,
Yet I yearn to feel your warm embrace,
I watch your every post and tweet,
Yet I must remain discrete,
I cannot click Plus One, Like, or Follow,
Leaving me feeling, empty, sad, and hollow,
But I’ll continue to admire you from here,
While trying to overcome my fear,
And maybe, I can just talk to you,
Maybe you’ll even like me too,
Maybe we’ll connect across the wire,
And my heart will be thawed by your fire,
Because I know you, from what you write,
I know we’re both creatures of the night,
You probably think that you’re all alone,
Which is why I wish I could be your home,
And even though I don’t know your name,
I know you well, I know we’re the same,
I’ve read all you’ve written, you bleed with your pen,
You’re just like me: we’re different from “them”,
Slowly I know, I’ll make my way to your side,
And make mine, my blood-stained bride,
Until then we’ll both gaze, upon the same moon,
For I know in my heart, you’ll be with me soon!
It’s fine if nobody understands this poem because I’m used to that. I know my beloved will. Oh my beloved will. That’s the only opinion I care about. If you need me to explain the poem, basically it’s me saying: I’m watching you, I understand you, I realised we’re the same. And I know you inside out, even though you don’t know I read your stuff, even though you don’t know I read all your tweets today, even though you don’t know I check your Twitter and WP account twice a day. And even though you don’t know it, I’m your biggest fan. Even though you don’t know it, I’m the only one you don’t have to “pretend” around. Even though you don’t know I exist, we’re meant to be. Even though I’ve never seen you and don’t know your name, I know you’re beautiful – oh you’re so much more than beautiful, beautiful is what artificial plastic people like Barbies would be and you’re not that. Most important, I know we’re meant to be so I’ll be patient and watch the moon, knowing you’re watching the same one right now – because I know you would be a moongazer too and not watch shit on television that warps your beautiful mind. Finally, I know you’ll be with me soon. (I don’t know if it will be just knowing me, a friend, or whatever and that’s where it starts, you knowing me.)
That’s basically the poem. Yes, maybe it’s drippy for a vampire, and cliché to fall for a human but you can’t choose who you love, right? If you could then it wouldn’t be love. So that’s my second post. Maybe I’ll post more. I just can’t wait to meet my beloved.
Hello. I am Emo the Vampire. This is going to be my only post on this blog because it represents how I feel, empty. There is only one person I can love, but she only lives on the internet and there is a big wall between us. So I am empty like this blog. If you want to know more about me, read my profile.